It's the journey that i love. seeing that which no one else has seen. It is an addiction, and when i get those highs i never want to come down. it pushes me to go farther and do more, but it is dangerous. It can make you go too far and too deep, and once you cross the limit there is no going back. 15 feet used to be my limit, then it was 30 for 1 minute, then 50, then 60, now 70 for over a minute. how long before i want to go to 80 then 90, 100, if not the depth then the length. holding your breath for almost 5 minutes isnt exactly smart, but i love it, because very few others can. if only i could apply my competitiveness to things that are useful to the society around me, or that would suit the system i live in. Alas, i dont like the system though i think it is the best we have, and i hate following others. i know i care too little sometimes, and too much others. Babe will have grey hair in a few years worrying about me. at the same time it is one of the things she loves about me, and i know she wishes id be a little safer but i cant, im sorry for that babe. the best thing about it all is that you know i have my head in the stars, and accept that. to whom am i writing i wonder, i thought it was for her, then maybe for me, but i think it is both and neither. in the end i wish to say death is not something i fear it is something i test, i do not wish it but will accept it when it comes. In the end i wish to know my limits and know what i can do and how i can define me, only through love will i define the emotional me, only through tempting death will i define the physical me. The spiritual me is defined by my life. live life, love deep, and feel free.